Historically speaking, therapy for grief and loss focused primarily on the work of grieving with a goal of closure. Through no fault of their own, many grievers find a death so unclear that there can be no end to their grief. Rather than closure, focus should be on finding meaning.
Finding meaning can look like feelings of gratitude for the time one had with their person, gaining wisdom regarding mortality, recognizing the value of life, or perhaps doing charitable work that honors the memory of the deceased.
Although the stages of grief, originally developed by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969 (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), continue to be endorsed in both mainstream society and clinical practice, there is little to no evidence showing the stages are necessarily part of a “normal” grieving process (McLean et al., 2022). Endorsement of the need to “work through” grief could lead to pressure for some level of social conformity. This response can have negative consequences as research has found that pressure to grieve a certain way results in increased maladjustment for the bereaved (McLean et al., 2022). It’s healthy to identify what feelings you’re having that may be associated with grief but err on the side of caution when it comes to expecting oneself to experience a certain feeling or process. Try to remember that grief is as unique as the person grieving.
References
McLean, E., Singer, J., Laurita, E., Kahler, J., Levin, C., & Papa, A. (2022). Perception of grief responses: Are maladaptive grief responses and the stages of grief considered normal? Death Studies, 46(6), 1414-1423. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2021.1983890